Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just high enough for therapy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
