I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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