You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
