MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
