I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
