hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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