Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
