My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
