And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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