I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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