When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
