She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
