I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
