need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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