If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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