Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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