My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
