My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
