Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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