i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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