I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
