I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
