I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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