I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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