you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
