i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
