It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
