Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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