I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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