I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
