i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
