my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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