I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
