you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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