The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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