Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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