yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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