can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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