Do you still have your period?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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