i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I party with great urgency now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
