So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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