So drunk its hurt
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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