I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
