Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
