By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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