This is not my ceiling
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
