there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just made my gag reflex go away.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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