I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
