whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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