dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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