please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize