Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
