respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
