weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
