This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
