You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
