You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
