Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize