Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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