Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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