if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
