there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
