I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
