Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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