It's just like the Real World with babies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
