she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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