Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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