My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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