The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
