My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
